I read this statement the other day and it stuck with me:
“Studies show that Parents
of children with
autism spectrum disorder have
autism spectrum disorder have
nearly 24% chance of getting
divorced”.
I am married to my very best friend.
He is the one person
that knows me better than anyone else in the world - all my flaws, fears,
weaknesses and also my strengths. He never ever try's to edit me and my big
mouth (although I KNOW he wishes I was more "ladylike"). He makes me
laugh. He taught me so much about life and love and forgiveness and dedication.
He loves his children with every ounce of his soul (which is SO superhot btw).
He works harder than anyone I know. He is funny, smart and passionate about the
thing and people he cares about. He is the most handsome man I have ever laid
eyes on (that does not live in my DVR of course, because HELLOOOOO my tv boyfriends
are yummy). Most of all, I love him because he made me a Mother. The stepmom to
his 2 children from a previous marriage and the mom to our child together,
Jacob.
Does this mean he is perfect? HELL NO. He snores like a
freight train, his feet smell like the depths of hell, he is forgetful and
often socially inappropriate. He is the cheapest person I have ever met (but I
need that cause I am a shopper), he is a workaholic and he watches FOX news.
So, why am I professing all of this today, a random Friday
in May you might ask?
Simple answer is, the little things are what matters, I
always say that.
I fell in love with him all over again last night. He does
not even know that I was affected by this simple action but I was.We got in his car after dinner out and he said to Jake
"I have been listening to some music that I know you are going to
like". At first Jake protested "No I won't..." but Jay just put
in on anyway. He was right. Jake was enthralled and asked him to play it again.
It was an early Beach Boys record that I had not heard but he knew Jake would
appreciate it.
There are father son things that he will never get to do
with Jake. Fishing, having a catch, racing go carts….they are not things that
Jake likes. I have always wondered if not having those experiences with him
bothered Jason because he never let on that it did. He has all of those things
with Christopher (17 – the middle offspring) so maybe he does not miss it with
Jake, I was never sure.
However, MUSIC is a common bond that they share with one
another. Since Jake was little he and
Jason have always had a special and very simple bond. Jason has a quiet
patience with Jake that I have always been jealous of because well, I am
neither quiet nor patient. Jake at age 13 still jumps off the couch when he
hears his dad’s car pull up in the drive way. He exclaims “Daddy’s home”!!! The
minute he walks in the door Jake starts with 20 questions “Dad, is the Smurfs
old or new, Dad, who likes Scooby dooby doo - you say you do”, Dad, are you
gonna go get a coffee or a beer”?
Jason
answers every one of Jake’s questions. OVER and OVER and OVER.
I get upset with Jason because sometimes I feel like I am
the only one disciplining Jake, doing his homework, getting the calls from
school when he acts out etc. but the reality is that as parents of a special
needs child we both have a specific role to play in his development.
I think that part of the reason our marriage and friendship
is so strong is because we know our roles when it comes to Jake and we play
them to perfection. Jason is Jacob’s muse and I am Jacob’s structure. The role
of a father in the home is often underrated. Mom’s (myself included) often go
on and on about how much we do and while that is true, the father’s that are
present in the lives of their children showing them love, support, compassion
and humility are equally as vital in the lives of our kids.
I am a lucky woman to have such an amazing husband and my
kids are even luckier to have such an exceptional father. I don’t know a lot of
things for certain but I know for a fact that in the unlikely event that Jason
and I would ever divorce it would not be the result of having a child with
Autism. I suspect it would be because he refuses to put the seat down or pick
up his dirty socks.
 |
| Jason and Jacob Spring 2014 |
