Opinions and Trolls and Autism oh my.....

Today, April 2nd 2016 is what has come to be known as 

WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS DAY.

Today is also the day for the first time since I started blogging or using Social Media to share my families story about our challenges and victories raising Jake that someone was less than supportive in a comment on the thread of a post I shared.

See, there are  few things to know about me. 

1. I am a woman with no filter and thick skin. I am passionate and love my family and friends. 
2. I am an open book. I talk about everything and anything with no hesitation (much to my husbands chagrin)
3. I am open minded and supportive of all sorts of people and their views. 
4. I am one of the few people on the internet that seems to be able to continue to scroll if I do not agree with a post rather than get butt hurt over it.
5.I have a POWERFUL network of FaceBook followers and friends.
6. I AM AN INVOLVED AND STERN PARENT THAT HAS NEVER ALLOWED MY SON AND HIS DIAGNOSIS OF AUTISM AND ADHD TO BE A CRUTCH OR AN EXCUSE FOR HIS ACTIONS.

So when I shared a rant about an incident that had occurred at the boy's school on Friday on my FB Blog page (www.facebook.com/amibeinginappropriate) I was taken back by the comment made by a (former) follower. My son was lumped in with what she considers "winy ass cry babies" 

(that was her spelling of the term....)  and I was lumped in with in her words "parents that blame schools when their there kid is totally in the wrong" (again, an example of her spelling and grammar).

I had a knee jerk reaction and laid down some harsh wording rather than taking the high road and either deleting her comment and blocking her or contacting her privately. I did this because I was angry. It was not my best moment to be sure. 

What happened next was even worse in that I discovered that this person not only WORKS with Special needs Children, she also is a parent of a child on the spectrum. 

This made my blood boil. 

In the past few years I have noticed more and more "in-fighting" within the Autism Community. 

I am referring of course to the Vac vs. Anti Vac debates, the "We need acceptance not awareness" argument, the haters of Autism Speaks against the supporters of the organization and the "Light it Up Blue" campaign, the "My kid is MORE autistic than yours because they are non verbal and yours is not" battle,the our kid is on meds people vs. the we would never medicate our kid folks.

I could go on and on but just typing that makes me sick to my stomach and breaks my heart. 

Jake is highly verbal. In fact he never (ever) stops talking. Did I mention he NEVER EVER stops? He is incapable of being left alone even at age 15 because he is socially inappropriate and ridiculously impulsive and could be a danger to himself. He has severe food aversions and exists on Ensure, Danimals, French Fries, white Bread and eggs. Jacob was BORN with his autism. He did not regress as many children have. He never met one single developmental milestone on time and began early intervention at 17 months of age. His hair was tested and confirmed to not show Mercury poisoning, He has been on medication for his ADHD/Anxiety/Sleep Disorder since he was 9. He practically potty trained himself at age 3.  I choose to "Light it up Blue" and I also read up on holistic and alternative treatments for him. The odds of him ever living independently away from his dad and I are very slim. He is brilliant when it comes to geographical locations - he is like a walking GPS system and he is obsessed with DVD and VHS tapes. Not just to view the movies but to also study the packaging and case to see who the distribution and production company are. He knows more about film origins and actors than any other person I know. However, he cannot complete math beyond a 3rd grade level - he is in 9th grade. He cannot peddle a bicycle, he is extremely sensitive to sound (which is odd because HE IS THE LOUDEST PERSON ON THE PLANET) and he needs constant reminders to tie his shoes, brush his teeth, wear pants etc. 

Autism is not a competition that we have entered into like a marathon. I should not have to justify his autism to another parent of an autistic child. We should just support and respect one another. We are all in this together. If your kid is 17, non verbal and in diapers he is NO MORE AUTISTIC than Jacob is. Jake has no interest in video games and does not flap his hands in excitement but that does not make him less autistic than your kid who loves Minecraft or can do college level math at age 7. If your child regressed after vaccinations or is like Jake and was born this way we are ALL in the same boat.

I am begging members of the autism community to stop the crazy battles and just embrace the differences we all have and face.  We are all supposed to be on the same team here. WHY are we attacking one another and where is the compassion and support we all deserve? No two autistic people are alike so therefore the root cause and treatment will not be either.

NOT a single one of us - mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, grandparent OR CHILD asked for Autism to be part of their life but for 1 in 68 of us that is exactly what we got.

Let's not make things harder for any of us by judging, hating and battling. Let's just focus on our kids.  

My family - LOVES, ACCEPTS AND IS VERY AWARE.
(Jake with his parents, Grandmothers and Siblings)

The end of an era….or……he’s been playing the game for my sake

Christmas shopping has become such a chore. I used to be so stealth with my gift purchases when the kids were around using my coat to cover the booty in the cart from their prying eyes. Now, I seem to lack the energy or patience to play this cat and mouse game.

Last night we were in Target and Jacob saw me put a DVD that he only moments earlier had asked for in the cart. He paused by the cart and exclaimed "how come you are buying that for me and it's not coming from Santa".

I was SOOOO BUSTED.

Scrambling and annoyed at his alertness I said "it's not for you it's for Frank". "WHO is FRANK" he shouted.

And then, it began….I started to spin this web of lies and deceit all about this kid “Frank” that I am buying gifts for because his family cannot afford them. He looked at me and laughed and said "I guess we will see on Christmas morning WHO Frank really is". I knew the jig was up but I just kept going with the fabrication.

Part of me was relieved that maybe the hoax of Santa could be shut down now and a lot of the pressure would be off my back. The other part of me hated the notion of his childhood passing me by. He continued to berate me with “So, what does Frank Look like”, “Does Frank Like Cheese”, “Is Frank on the nice list or the naughty list like I am”. 

We get in the car and he will not give the Frank questions a rest. I make the mistake of saying, “Do you want me to show you a picture of “Frank” so you can stop with all the questions” (of course I was hoping he would just start to perseverate about some other topic) and OF COURSE he says yes.

I quickly open my Google app on my I Phone and type in the name FRANK in the search box. Then I select the Images and Viola….tons of pseudo “Franks” for me to choose from! I pick one that I think resembles a needy kid and I hope that Jake buys my continued deceit.

He takes one look and the picture on my phone which I am still holding in my hands and he says “click on that picture so I can see where it came from because I think he is some kind of an actor or something”….

Busted x’s 2!

His father and I exchange a sideways glance at one another, he is too smart for us it seems. Then I decide I will just put it all out there. I mean he IS 14….even though developmentally he is still more around the age of 10 and don’t 10 year old’s still believe in Santa?

“Jake, be honest with us, DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN SANTA?” He was quiet for the first time all night and after what seemed like 5 minutes he said quietly “if I say no will he be mad”? I explained to him that I wanted him to just be honest (funny since I’d spent the past 45 minutes telling him one long ass lie….) and I asked him again “Do you think that Santa is real or do you think that Mommy and Daddy buy you the presents under the tree”? I held my breath as he said “I think it’s mommy and daddy”.

Sigh…..

With a heavy heart I admitted that he was correct and that Santa is in fact a long standing story and that yes his gifts are from his dad and I. “So, Santa is NOT real then mom, Right”. “Right” I said feeling conflicted but also proud that he was maturing.

Then he hits us with “Well how about Jesus, is HE real”?

He may drive me crazy, but he always
keeps me on my toes. 

   

 

     

Everything is washed mom and I did it all by myself.

This morning captain hurricane barreled up the stairs and jumped in our bed. Loudly he exclaimed, “Mom, is it time for you to get up now”? I partially opened one eye and checked the clock. Just as I had suspected, it was only 4:47am. “NOPE” I whispered.

This went on for another hour or so.  Every time there would be a lull in his movement (he crawled into our bed and began rocking back and forth which is a form of stimming he uses when he wants to calm himself down) I would think to myself “ahhhh, he fell back to sleep” only to be reminded a mere 45 seconds later that he was still wide awake and rocking. Oh and now he’s singing. Excellent. The dogs are barking? Of course they are. Husband is snoring and oblivious? Yes indeed!

Finally he jumps up and says “Mom, I’m a big boy, I can get all ready by myself, I will be right back”. I lie there listening to the familiar sounds of assorted daily grooming. My mind is already racing. I hope he remembers to change his underwear, he better brush ALL of his teeth and not just the front ones. I had to stop myself several times from busting in the bathroom and doing it for him as I have so many times in an effort to save time….and my sanity. I always want him to look his very best, he is a reflection of his father and I after all. If he goes to school with a crusty face or jacked up breath it is US that will look bad, not him. I am not having him be the gross unkempt kid in school. Dude’s got enough going against him, ya feel me?

 I laid there forcing myself to “let him be”. By my estimation, he did spend the right amount of time in the bathroom to have properly taken care of the goal. He came back in to my room and stood next to my bed.

“Mom, I am all dressed. I did it all by myself and everything is on right. Even my shirt is not backwards! I washed my hands, brushed my teeth and washed my face. Everything is washed mom and I did it all by myself”.

I smiled, hugged him so tight and laughed while repeating his words “everything is washed mom”. I felt proud in that moment. 7:00 am and I was exhausted and already overwhelmed but I was PROUD. Yes, he is going to be 14 this Saturday and yes, I know that dressing and grooming ones self is something that 5 year old's should be able to do with ease. 

We are not talking about 5 year old's here. We are talking about my sweet boy who Autism, ADHD & OCD cannot stop and who once again has proven to me that if I give him a little room to spread his wings - he will soar.

  

When mom is perceived to be a Bully.....

“Mom, you are being such a bully”.

This is what my son screamed at me from the dinner table yesterday.  

At first I was pissed. How dare he accuse me of such a terrible thing when all I am trying to do it get him to EAT.  I replied “wanting you to eat new foods (in this case, mashed potatoes and pot roast) is NOT the behavior of a bully, it is me being a loving mom that wants you to grow big and strong!”.

He sat in that moment – eyes filled with tears and said “but you are yelling at me and Bully’s yell”!

OUCH. Yeah, so THAT stung.

We were already dealing with an under-medicated Jake (thanks USPS) and a PMS’ing mother. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that my timing of trying to get him to eat a new food totally sucked. What was I thinking?

I told him to take a deep breath and I would do the same.  After all, we were in this thing together even though neither of us wanted to be sitting at that table in front of the ridiculously small portion of now ice cold mashed potatoes and 1x2 inch of roast beef.

I stopped yelling and he stopped crying. I bargained with him (“eat ¼ of a forkful of mashies and ½ of a bite of the beef and then you can rent a movie on demand”) He countered with “I will eat the mashies but no meat”. This back and forth continued for 13 minutes.

I finally pulled out the big guns and said in as calm of a voice as my moody, tired, crampy and elevated blood pressure self could muster “if you don’t eat 1 bite of each you cannot go on the field trip Tuesday and you will lose your IPAD privilege”.

Now before you feel the need to email me and condemn me for making threats – JUST SHUT UP.

My day to day interactions with him are always about threats. It’s like our version of the tango. I threaten no less than 16 times a day to take away / throw away his toys, movies, technology and so on if he does not comply with my wishes of homework completion, cleaning up his mess, putting away his toys, brushing his teeth…..pretty much everything I ask him to do other than breathe is met with an argument (Ahhhh teenagers). ANYWAY….

I threatened him with the non-participation in the field trip and he must have thought about this for 5 more minutes (if you are keeping track we are now at the 37 minute mark of this spectacle). He then calmly grabbed his fork and said “I have a great idea, I can put the beef on the fork WITH the mashed potatoes then I won’t have to take 2 bites like you want me to, I can do it MY way”.

Sigh…..

Jake - 13 years old. Sitting in the lobby of a restaurant where there is nothing on the menu his majesty will try. 

"The sunrise is golden and lovely

The birds chirp and twitter and tweet,

You woke me and asked for some breakfast,

So why the f— won't you eat"?  

  

~ Adam Mansbach author and genius behind 'You Have to F—ing Eat'

Autism and Vanity

My youngest son is beautiful. He is captivating and handsome and has dimples to die for and you can get lost in his eyes.

 My youngest son is also totally awkward looking. I joke a lot about Jake's physical traits from his adorable snaggle fangs in the front of his mouth, his low hairline (yes, I know he gets that from ME), his unibrow, his ears and his awkwardness as a whole. He is 13 1/2 and this is when most boys are awkward looking.... But as his body changes he has started to break out on his forehead.

This morning I was using a cream on his little face to clear up his breakouts and I was thinking to myself, is this MY vanity issue here? Does he even CARE? I am so overly protective of him in terms of things that might get him picked on in school like his clothes, shoes, etc. He could care less if he wears $5.00 payless sneakers or the Nike’s we make sure he has. He does not need name brand anything – it is meaningless to him, but we always make sure he looks his best because he has enough going against him in life being on the spectrum and having such severe ADHD and of course being an adolescent which has it’s own levels of trauma.

My point here is I was having a moment of feeling like I am projecting my own insecurities onto this kid who really when it comes down to it cares only about a few things….movies, YouTube, his IPad and his favorite TV shows. Then, as I was applying the ointment he looked up at me, grabbed my cheeks and said "Mom, I love you for making my pimples go away but maybe you should buy Proactive instead, it worked for Katy Perry”.

I have his back, vanity may play a role but if I can fix one thing to eliminate him from getting picked on I will do it.  

All this Drama over an Orange?

The sun was shining and the cool yet comfortable winds were blowing outside. Inside our cozy kitchen however, there was a storm a brewin’…

I asked Jacob to eat an orange for breakfast. OH THE HORROR!!!! There was a 10 minute dance of him hiding in the other room and faking a “very sad belly”.

Finally he acquiesces and sits at the kitchen table. I place the peeled clementine (a tiny version of an orange for those that are not in the know of such citrus categories). He looks over the small pieces of fruit as one might if they suspected they were being fed dog shit.

“I will eat one little piece and that’s all!” He puts it in his mouth and gags. He then swallows it whole. “THAT’S it! NO MORE” he exclaims.  This is his first move on the poker game of breakfast. I see his hand and I raise him the loss of his IPAD for the day. Suddenly, he will try “just one more”.

This card game of his move vs. my move (or threats to lose his IPAD, BLUE RAYS and on demand) goes on for the better part of 5 minutes and he successfully eats 4 small portions of the already small clementine. I see myself as the victor here.

Jake has very specific eating habits which we have discussed previously. His current repertoire consists solely of MILK CHOCOLATE Ensure, Strawberry Blast or Kiwi Strawberry Danimals, Scrambled Eggs, White Bread, Peanut Butter, McDonalds ONLY Chicken Nuggets and French Fries from a very small list of establishments and his only drinking preference is Lemonade (Turkey Hill).

While my prince is in school however, his teacher has been able to get him to try a laundry list of foods that no matter what we do at home he refuses. He has eaten Snap peas, homemade strawberry ice cream, grilled cheese (this just about broke his soul but he did it!) goldfish crackers and pastry.

We plan on having his exceptionally dedicated and loving teacher come over this summer to work with him on eating these foods AT HOME as well. One thing that is common with Jake (and  kids on the spectrum in general) is that they are creatures of habit. He will eat eggs all day long at home but if we go to my in laws house he will not. Jacob also does not like to eat when other people are visiting. He has been known to very subtly (HAHA) say to our guests when he is hungry “Are you leaving now”?

I have dreams of the day that Jake sits at the dinner table with our extended family in front of a plate of lasagna, meatballs, salad and garlic bread.

THIS is something I want in his IEP. J

Up next on Mission “GET JAKE TO EAT NEW FOODS” is ¼ of a ham or turkey sandwich.

  If you live in the neighborhood and hear screaming and crying around noon I apologize in advance, I will try and stifle my tears.

Pray for us. :)

Text Messages I receive from his Teacher when he try's something new to eat in class. Sometimes there are successes and sometimes....there are failures.

 

Unspoken Hero - The Autism Dad

I read this statement the other day and it stuck with me:

 “Studies show that Parents of children with 
autism spectrum disorder have 

nearly 24% chance of getting divorced”.

I am married to my very best friend. 

He is the one person that knows me better than anyone else in the world - all my flaws, fears, weaknesses and also my strengths. He never ever try's to edit me and my big mouth (although I KNOW he wishes I was more "ladylike"). He makes me laugh. He taught me so much about life and love and forgiveness and dedication. He loves his children with every ounce of his soul (which is SO superhot btw). He works harder than anyone I know. He is funny, smart and passionate about the thing and people he cares about. He is the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on (that does not live in my DVR of course, because HELLOOOOO my tv boyfriends are yummy). Most of all, I love him because he made me a Mother. The stepmom to his 2 children from a previous marriage and the mom to our child together, Jacob.  

Does this mean he is perfect? HELL NO. He snores like a freight train, his feet smell like the depths of hell, he is forgetful and often socially inappropriate. He is the cheapest person I have ever met (but I need that cause I am a shopper), he is a workaholic and he watches FOX news.

So, why am I professing all of this today, a random Friday in May you might ask?

Simple answer is, the little things are what matters, I always say that.

I fell in love with him all over again last night. He does not even know that I was affected by this simple action but I was.We got in his car after dinner out and he said to Jake "I have been listening to some music that I know you are going to like". At first Jake protested "No I won't..." but Jay just put in on anyway. He was right. Jake was enthralled and asked him to play it again. It was an early Beach Boys record that I had not heard but he knew Jake would appreciate it. 

There are father son things that he will never get to do with Jake. Fishing, having a catch, racing go carts….they are not things that Jake likes. I have always wondered if not having those experiences with him bothered Jason because he never let on that it did. He has all of those things with Christopher (17 – the middle offspring) so maybe he does not miss it with Jake, I was never sure.

However, MUSIC is a common bond that they share with one another.  Since Jake was little he and Jason have always had a special and very simple bond. Jason has a quiet patience with Jake that I have always been jealous of because well, I am neither quiet nor patient. Jake at age 13 still jumps off the couch when he hears his dad’s car pull up in the drive way. He exclaims “Daddy’s home”!!! The minute he walks in the door Jake starts with 20 questions “Dad, is the Smurfs old or new, Dad, who likes Scooby dooby doo - you say you do”, Dad, are you gonna go get a coffee or a beer”? 

 Jason answers every one of Jake’s questions. OVER and OVER and OVER.

I get upset with Jason because sometimes I feel like I am the only one disciplining Jake, doing his homework, getting the calls from school when he acts out etc. but the reality is that as parents of a special needs child we both have a specific role to play in his development.

I think that part of the reason our marriage and friendship is so strong is because we know our roles when it comes to Jake and we play them to perfection. Jason is Jacob’s muse and I am Jacob’s structure. The role of a father in the home is often underrated. Mom’s (myself included) often go on and on about how much we do and while that is true, the father’s that are present in the lives of their children showing them love, support, compassion and humility are equally as vital in the lives of our kids.

I am a lucky woman to have such an amazing husband and my kids are even luckier to have such an exceptional father. I don’t know a lot of things for certain but I know for a fact that in the unlikely event that Jason and I would ever divorce it would not be the result of having a child with Autism. I suspect it would be because he refuses to put the seat down or pick up his dirty socks.

Jason and Jacob
Spring 2014

And the Award for biggest pain in the ass goes to.....

When Jake was born I knew there was something not quite "normal" about him. His development was very slow. At 17 months of age he began treatment 3-4 times a week. OT, PT, Speech, Sensory and Cognitive therapy became part of our daily life.

In September of 2003 we were told that our son had Autism and that his future abilities were unknown - there was a high chance that he would not speak in full sentences, run, write or live independently.

10 years, tens of thousands of dollars and 10 million tears later my son is living proof that Children on the Spectrum should never be counted out. Parents that are given that terrible news need to know that while it may feel that way at the time - AUTISM is NOT a deal breaker in the future accomplishments of our children.

With the right early intervention and therapies your children may recover lost language , gain and develop new skills and blow you away with their abilities.

My boy has been in a self contained Autistic Support classroom since kindergarten. He attends public school and this year for the first time he was placed in a Mainstreamed Science and Social Studies class. At first there were some struggles but he got the hang of it. Homework was hard - studying for tests was often a battle but HE DID IT. Today he was honored with not 1 but 2 awards in front of his 6th grade class, much of the faculty and other parents. Jake won Most Improved Student certificates for MATH and for his REGULAR Education classes of Science/Social Studies.

I am over the moon proud of him and his accomplishments. As we look forward to ESY and then 7th grade this fall I am anxious to see what other "gifts" he shows the world.

It might not seem like much to you - but to my family it means everything.

Jake - age 12, 6th grade 2013

 

  

The Perfect Storm

Forgive me father for I have sinned.....it has been 6 months since my last BLOG entry and I gotta tell you, it's been one hell of a 6 months!

When we last gathered here in cyber space to discuss the antics of my son Jacob we were living in a hotel as a result of hurricane Sandy.

Now we are living in a war zone as a result of the perfect storm of AUTISM, ADHD, PUBERTY, END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR AND SEVERED ANXIETY and NO ONE is safe.

There have been what I would approximate to be hundreds of funny comments or awkward situations that Jacob has said or put us in over the past 6 months but I will just start with the events of the last few weeks.

We had to switch Pych docs for him because I have different insurance with my new employer - we were on a waiting list for close to 6 weeks with this new person.

I leave work early, take Jake out of school early and we head to the appointment. After a 45 minute wait in the lobby the Dr. calls me into his office to speak without Jake. He sits me dows and says "so...what do you want me to do with your son?". I look at him puzzled and reply "ummm, manage his medication and make the changes you feel are necessary". He pushes his glasses atop his head and says "Look, if you are here expecting a miracle you are in the wrong place lady".

I'm gonna let that sit with you a  moment......Ok pick your jaws up off the floor now and keep reading.... Sooooo, all the blood in my body rushes to my face and I visualize myself climbing across his desk and ripping his flesh from his over paid smug body - but I stop myself.

"I am going to pretend you did not say that to me Dr. I have been waiting over a month to see you and you came highly recommended - which now I have to be honest is confusing to me".

He cleared his throat and looked at me - shocked and smirked. "I know my shit when it comes to kids mom". (guess who hates being referred to as MOM by people that are not my children.....that's right, ME). I find it to be condescending when teachers or doctors do that. I have a name - USE IT.

I reply "Well, you may know your shit about kids dr but clearly you know nothing about dealing with the parents of your patients". He began to back peddle and realized the error of his ways (or he looked at the chart and thought "Oh hell....this Bitch is from the West End of Norristown...) Whatever the reason he softened his approach and said that we needed to be a "TEAM" regarding my son's treatment. I agreed and swallowed the vile word vomit that was creeping up my throat.

After another 15 minutes he handed me his proposed medicinal changes and I stood to go get Jake (I mean this was HIS appt right?). Dr. personality looked at me and said "by the way mom, you might want to call your own dr about getting you some Xanax or Kalonopine".

The medicine change has not been successful and I am back on the hunt for a new Psych doc for him. I am on waiting lists with both CHOP and DUPONT and I basically feel like I am all alone on a sad little island.

There are simply not enough resources available for our Special Needs Children. Families are in crisis all over our country as we wait for our coveted slots with the local children's facilities. All the while, teachers are calling, texting and emailing daily complaints about the behavior of the child, family members are alienating themselves because they cannot handle the chaos that is your child, mothers and fathers are fighting just to keep it together and the person at the center of all of this emotion, scolding, fighting, confusion and red tape is in a word SUFFERING.

Something has got to change people.......


Sometimes the only peace this child gets from all that is running through his mind is when he sleeps.



Every 11 minutes, a child is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. 1 in 88 children in the United States is on the autism spectrum; 1 in 54 boys. - See more at:

http://action.lightitupblue.org/c.arKQI4MBIgI4E/b.8566551/k.66A7/Give_Hope_Take_Action/siteapps/advocacy/ActionItem.aspx?msource=liubpetlb#sthash.6UggMcqz.dpuf









 

Hurricane Sandy aint got nothing on Jake....

There is no doubt that these past few days have been disturbing for millions of people up and down the North East. Death and unreal distruction the likes that we have never seen in our neck of the woods. Our home has been without power / heat for just shy of 48 hours and our basement is flooded.

Many would say we got lucky. The weakened trees all along our property line did not crash into our home, our cars or onto the roadway or our neighbors property and no one in my life suffered any injuries. So YES, those people would be correct - but those "many" do not know JACOB.

Change of even the smallest form can turn him on his ear making the rest of us collateral damage. Needless to say, having no power, heat, Internet connection or normal routine this week has caused living with Jake to be it's very own special "state of emergency". I am considering asking the Governor to declare his behavior a disaster!

First starts the anxiety - legs shaking, chewing on his cuticles. Then comes the NONSTOP questions "ïs there going to be a hurricane NEXT week too?, "How much longer will the power be out", "can you tell PECO I need an Internet connection"? Then comes the crazed actions of running around the house snorting and shouting. It's all very exhausting, stressful and yes, annoying.

We re lo to hotel and while most children would be excited - he was nervous. " What about the doggies mom, they will miss us" (very true even though they have been checked on 3 times in 24 hours), "I can't take a shower in that hotel mom, the water will feel different", "what if the power comes back on while we are at the hotel, will PECO turn it off and give it to another family that is home".

These questions have been rapid fire with no end in sight. I have lost my patience with him more times than usual and I am surprised I still have a voice to use to yell at him. 

Today, I picked him up from school (they closed early due to no power) and brought him back to work with me. During the few hours he was there he was exhibiting more of the same behaviors. At one point my VP walked into my office to say hello to him and he proceeded to say "we are staying in a hotel cause we have no electric, but it's ok cause mom said it's not like a whorehouse type of joint". THEN he strikes up a conversation with the PRESIDENT of my company. He asked Jake "what can't you wait for about being back in your house when the power is restored"? Without skipping a beat Jake says "not sleeping in a bed with my mom, she takes up too much room and I think she tooted in her sleep last night".

My patience, ego, nerves and sense of humor have all taken a beating this week - and it was a result of HURRICANE JACOB, not Sandy.

Jake - our own personal National Disaster

Add caption

Please Keep Your Arms and Legs Inside the Ride at All Times

Starting school can be a bumpy journey for any child. Many kids in our area have already started back to school. Our middle son started his Sophomore year of high school last week and our daughter began her Sr. year of college just this morning.

Externally, I have been enjoying looking at the pictures my friends and family have posted of their offspring heading off for another school year. Internally I have agita and anxiety over Jacob's entrance into 6th grade and I am not alone in this fear.

Jake is nervous. Jake is acting out. Jake is scared.

 

Over the weekend I started to see the familiar glimmer of anxiety and stress re-appear in my little man's eyes. I was hoping that since he had such an AWESOME summer in terms of his behavior that maybe we were turning the corner. Sadly, I was wrong.

 

We shopped for school supplies on Friday and getting him to commit to a folder and binder was like pulling teeth. It was as if a light bulb went off and he realized that he HAD to go back to school. He started talking about how he is sad that summer is almost over and that he "did not swim enough". Mind you, he refused to get in the pool more than three times all summer so I am not sure what that was all about.

 

When Jake gets anxious he acts out. He speaks at a frenetic pace and he often appears to be out of breath. He chews on his fingers and bites his cuticles raw. He pushes more boundaries than normal and he sleeps even less.

 

We suffered through 5th grade and are lucky we made it out alive.

 

We simply cannot survive another year like last.  He struggled with the transition into middle school, with new faces, new people and with his new teacher. They were not a good fit for one another to say the very least but that is another blog for another day....Anyway,  

 

Saturday afternoon I took Jake on a date along with my mother to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid - Dog Days. In the film the main character Greg finds himself in alot of hot water. There is one scene in particular when Greg causes tons of drama and his father comes to get him. The dad does not yell at him, he does not spank him - he just tells Greg that he is disappointed in him. During the film Jake kept asking me if Greg was going to get grounded like he does from time to time, I said I guess not - sometimes knowing that your actions disappointed your parents is worse than any other punishment you could receive.

 

 Cut to Sunday morning, I am on the phone with my sister in law and I look out the window to see the police approaching my house. I end the call and run down the steps. I first spot Jake "hiding" under the covers telling to the cops through the window "You can leave now".....

 

I open the door and I am told that ONCE AGAIN, my son called 911 and hung up. The township police know that Jake is Autistic but they do have to report whenever there is a call/hangup. They were gracious to me and I could see that they understood. I made Jake come to the door and apologize to the officers for wasting their time and acknowledge that he KNOWS he should only call 911 in the event of an emergency. He did come to the door and he did apologize but he also ran off shouting "Mommy...are you going to beat me to a pulp when the cops leave"? PERFECT.

 

Once the coppers hit the pike it was time for a good old fashioned ear splitting yell fest. As I was shouting at the top of my lungs things like "WHY would you call 911 again, and Dude SERIOUSLY, you have GOT to STOP this craziness, and THAT'S IT you are grounded it dawned on me that he has experienced these reactions from me for YEARS. He often will bring up when he was 4 years old and stripped naked out front then ran all the way around back and threw all his clothes in the pool - brand new Nike's and all.  "Mom remember when you smacked my naked butt and I cried myself to sleep". Um, YES I do....I cried right next to you because I felt so guilty for smacking your hiney! I never understood what parents meant when they said "it will be worse for me than for you" but in that moment some 7 1/2 years ago, it became crystal clear to me.

 

I decided to stop yelling at him about calling 911 and sat next to him and tried a more calm approach. He did not know how to handle this calmer, gentler mommy. We talked about his actions and he said he was sorry and I said I was sorry for yelling. Then he asked me if I was disappointed in him. I told him I was not disappointed in HIM but I WAS disappointed in his poor decision.

 

Later in the evening as we unwinding I told him he needed to get off of his IPOD and start settling down for bed - he came back with 50 rapid fire questions and I simply said "School will be starting next week and you need to get back on your school night schedule of no computer after 7 and no Ipod after 8. Well..... I could see him starting to spiral off the rails again. He was yelling, pulling all of his movies out of the cases, breaking cups, taking markers out and writing on things that are not to be written on like our DOG. She is so dumb she just stood there and let him draw a line on her fur....

 

I started to loose my cool again but I opted for the approach that worked earlier. I cleared my throat and in a soft voice I asked him to clean up his mess, put away all the markers and lie down because he needed to go to sleep. He became more agitated with me and started jumping on the couch and laughing at me. So....mother of the year that I am, I might have thrown a pillow at him.

 

Yeah, I know I know.... but I was PISSED.

 

Angry mom made her return and she was louder than earlier in the day. I can no longer give him a whack on his butt because he is too fast for me and his stick like legs are lethal weapons and I am not about to get kicked in my face by his manic body so I cornered him on the couch and sat on him. YUP...all 120 pounds of me (SHUUUUUUUT UP) sat on him. He stopped flailing like a fish out of water and I looked him in the eyes and shouted "NOW I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU".

 

Feeling like I had won the battle I went upstairs to my room for some "distance". Then the guilt settled in. I opened up my bedroom door and called down the steps to him, I could hear him crying. I asked him to come up to my room and lay with me. "Are we going to have a talk mommy" he said. "Yes, we are" I told him.

 

I probed him with questions about why he was behaving like this again when he had been so great all summer long. Finally he said the sentence that broke my heart in two and I will NEVER forget for the rest of my life. "I'm afraid when I go to 6th grade I am going to do everything wrong and get in trouble all the time and you will ALWAYS be disappointed in me".

I held him and kissed him and said all the things that mom's do to make their children feel secure. He was feeling legitimately fearful and anxious. As a parent not being able to ease his anxiety about certain things is the hardest challenge of all. Worse than dealing with ADHD outbursts, medicinal struggles or his rigid approach to EVERYTHING thanks to his Autism.

 

Finally when he calmed down and was leaving my room he said "Mom, we should make a deal that I won't disappoint you and you won't disappoint me".  Puzzled I looked over at him as said "How would I disappoint you"? He waitined a moment and then said, "by yelling and screaming at me when I am bad, not letting me curse when I want to and not letting me get a movie when we go to the store all the time". "Well dude, it looks like we are BOTH in for a long road of disappointment in one another then".

And so it begins.....another school year, another 180 days of homework, notes home, phone calls from teachers and the dreaded IEP meetings....I think that if I sucessfully get through the next 6 years until he graduates high school I will be able to take on his college years with no problem. Right?

 

 



We have funny kids.

Teressa (center) is a Sr. at Kutztown University with a double major in
 Elementary Education and Special Education

Christopher is a Sophmore at Ren. Academy and active on the Golf Team,
Baseball and flirting with girls

Jacob is entering 6th grade at East Norriton Middle School
and he is an expert at leaving destruction in his path.

 

 



 

  

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

     

How much is that hiney in the window.....

When I came downstairs this morning I KNEW he was going to be in rare form.

I found him crouched in the ready position as if he was about to run a race atop the coffee table in just his underwear with a t-shirt over his head looking much like Bevis from the MTV classic animated series Bevis and Butthead.

 I said "WHAT are you doing" he looked up at me startled and replied "What are YOU doing?" I opted to simply ignore him and proceeded to the kitchen to make a cup of hot tea for the road.

I heard him barrel up the stairs to no doubt wake his father from blissful slumber. For a child that weighs in at a mere 68.5 pounds he sounds like a herd of buffalo are running through our home.



Classic Jake. Always scrunching his face up when he smiles or laughs and ears for days.....

I carry on with my morning routine and call up the steps "Jakey, I am leaving - Have a good day I love you and BE GOOD for Nan" to which I get no reply. No surprise, he never does what I ask him to do anyway.

I load up my car with my purse, laptop, work papers etc. I settle in for my commute to work and reverse my car out of the driveway and THAT is when I see it....

The curtains in the living room flutter and a little tiny white ass appears.

  I hit the brakes and stare at the window in shock. My inner monologue starts running...."that little bastard just mooned me! OMG, he is so grounded!". Then the laughter starts and I am in tears at the visual of my little boy's pasty skinny rump bidding me adieu.

He quickly pulled up his underpants and looked out the window to make sure I was still watching him. He smiled in the way that only he can....scrunched up face like he is smells something horrid. I waved at him and drove off smiling the whole way to work.

Parents of  disability free children might be ashamed at this type of behavior.  However, "mooning" someone is what a "neuro typical" adolescent boy might do. To see Jake act in a "typical" manner
gives me hope that he is in fact making progress.

I know it may seem odd to many of you and that is fine with me. Jake is OUR cross to bear and sometimes the rules of society simply have to fall by the wayside.

Besides....it really was hysterical.

Mom why is your face so red?

I'm going to just bottom line this whole blog for you. Jake was born to have his own show. The things that he says, the comments he makes, his lack of filter....all make him the kind of character that screenwriters dream of.

He is relentless in his craving of attention. You would think he was never shown any by the way he insinuates himself into the conversations of EVERYONE around him and simply monopolizes the dialog to turn it into something that only HE cares about. Uh-Oh...is that his Autism showing again?

Affection, attention and all out adoration are things that this child has never been short on. Between the constant nagging him for kisses and hugs that he gets from his sister and I and his grandmother following him around like a puppy doing whatever he asks (or at times demands....cause he's got it like that with her) he does NOT lack for a showing of love.

A few weeks ago he came with me to the nail salon.  While I am getting a pedi he made "friends" with the elderly African American lady sitting next to him waiting for her daughter. He taught her all about his Ipod touch and showed her several "clips" of some of his favorite shows. She was very generous and listened to him patiently and basically gave him free reign over the topics they discussed. The whole time this was happening I was  WAITING for the bombs to start to drop. See, it NEVER fails that at SOME point during a seamlessly nice discussion with a stranger Jake will say something that is SO inappropriate I wonder how Child Protection Services has never been called on us.

However, on this day, Jake was being a perfect gentleman and I think to myself that we might actually escape embarrassment today. Ummm, Yeah right.....the very kind older lady got up to leave with her daughter and Jake yells (because he only has ONE volume and that is LOUD) "see ya later old looking Oprah".

I of course flush 50 shades of RED and begin yelling at him through my gritted teeth (you know, that thing that ALL mothers have mastered) while HE is OBLIVIOUS to what he has said and the lady,her daughter, & the rest of the salon patrons/employees have a good hearty chuckle.

The Vietnamese nail girls all start chatting with one another in their native tongue and he strikes again with "Mom, why are they all speaking jibberish and not American" at this point I am making a mental note to myself to purchase the Rosetta Stone system to learn Vietnamese so I can tell if they are talking about me and now, my kid. He caps off the day as we are leaving by asking one of them if they know Ni-hao Ki-Lan....THANKS NICKELODEN!

A few Saturday's ago...Jacob came rushing into the kitchen to tell his dad and I about a movie he watched on TV called "Wizard of Cocks". Jason, my mother and I all exchange very alarmed glances and my brain starts racing and finally hilarity ensues...

Jason - WHAT is the name of the movie?

Jake -  Wizard of Cocks

Jason - Say the last word again

Jake - Wizard

Jason - No the LAST word, are you saying COCKS - spelled C-O-C-K-S?

Jake - YES (growing frustrated at how dense his parents clearly are)

ME - WHAT THE HELL CHANNEL DID YOU HAVE ON? (sidebar....before you lecture me about parental controls, I have them in place....but he keeps figuring out my password
and resets it!)

Jake - FX

Me - (thinking internally)....FX shows PORN now?

Me - who was in it?

Jake - The guy from Ricky Bobby (Talledega nights)

Then the lightbulb goes off for the three adults in the room.....

My Mom - Jakey honey, do you mean DEWEY COX?

Jake - Yeah, Dewey Cox.

YUP....try as you might you just can't make this shit up.








    

Mom, maybe you ought to learn to play the quiet game.....

Our home is loud. Our dogs bark if the wind blows, if someone rings a doorbell on TV, or if I sneeze. Not to mention Jake lacks both any sense of volume control OR off switch. Every room you walk into there is either a television playing, someone on some sort of electronic device that beeps, chimes, rings or talks to you AND our neighbors are less than silent.

Earlier this week I was off of work for the day and I got to put Jake on the bus. I went in to wake him up for school and my allergies were getting the better of me so I had a fierce attack of the sneezes. It begs to be told that I am NOT a dainty gal....and when I sneeze,  shit gets real. My sneezing startled my dear sleeping angelic boy from his golden slumber. He jumped up and put his fingers in his ears.

Now, this is not an uncommon thing for him to do as sound is a very big issue for him - when it comes from a source that is not HIS OWN MOUTH. He will often be seen at a family party, in the lunch room at school, or on the school bus with his fingers in his ears or his head tilted and lowered onto his arched shoulder to muffle the surrounding noise. Sound sensitivity is just a part of being Autistic.

Jake on the school bus en route to his field trip 

So, when I sneezed and he jumped, I laughed. Why you ask? Well, because the look on a persons face when they are startled is a riot AND because I am much like a 12 year old myself. 

I started helping him get ready for school and he started with the barrage of endless questions to my every command....."what happens if I don't brush my teeth, will my teeth fall out and I will look like I am homeless", "Are you SURE that it is illegal to pull down my pants in school", "How come daddy can watch movies with course language", "How much older do I have to be before I can kiss girls on the mouth" This went on and on for no less than 35 minutes while we finished getting him ready and were waiting outside for the bus. While we were sitting there on the porch he started to yawn over and over again. Finally after the 5th time I said "Jake, you are so tired because you fight me every night on going to sleep and you get up in the middle of the night and make pancakes" (the frozen kind people....it's not like he whips up a batter and stands by the stove so relax).

He stared at me and in a very deadpanned tone said "Um, NO MOTHER, I am so tired because I was in the middle of a very good dream about girls and Jack Black and YOU woke me up by sneezing so loud. You always tell me I should learn to play the quiet game but Mom, maybe YOU ought to learn to play it first".

Praise, Punish and Repeat.

Jake just cannot seem to help himself.

If he is having a day where his behavior has not caused anyone around them a nervous breakdown we call it a success. We tend to shower him with the type of praise typically reserved for an olympic gold medalist. We use words like Proud, Happy and Thank you.

Then without fail and without missing a beat he will do SOMETHING to counteract the positive affirmations he is being showered with. It's as if he just cannot handle NOT being in the doghouse.

He is a tattle tale but 90% of the time he is telling on himeself.

The other 10% he is tattling on his brother...or on me.

He will put on ON DEMAND and select a show that he KNOWS he is not permitted to watch (typically anything that Seth McFarlane has created) and  then he will bellow from the next room "Mom, what am I watching"?? He calls me every day when he gets home from school to check in and he says "Mom, am I in big trouble"? He rummages through my makeup, jewelry or hair products and comes to me saying "Mom, what was I just doing in your room with your girl stuff". He will draw a picture and beckon from the kitchen "Mom, can I write the word PENIS all over this paper and hang it on the fridge?"

Sometimes he even decides his OWN punishment......"Mom I made a bad choice,

so I am grounded for a  whole week".   

He has an obsession with the bedrooms of his siblings. FINALLY we have gotten wise to him and begun locking those doors. A few weeks back, Christopher left the house and did not lock his bedroom door....Jake's nosey ass sashayed in and took Chris's collection of Simpsons DVD's. It was going to be  few days until Chris returned so I told Jake he could watch them as long as he was careful with them AND that he put them back in his brothers room before he got home. Oh and I also told him NOT to mention it to Chris. (and the award for Mother of the year goes to.....) Cut to the day Chris comes back home. Jake greets him at the front door chomping at the bit and the following ensued.

Jacob - "Chris was I in your room this week?" 

Chris - "You better not have been"

Jake - "I was but it's your fault cause you didn't lock your door"

Chris - "THAT is not a good reason Jake"
Jake - "what was I doing in there  do you think?"

Chris - "touching my movies"

Jake - "is it ok for me to do that"?

Chris - "NO"! "I have told you a 100 times to stay out of my room and not to touch my stuff"   

Jake - "Well, it's Mommys fault then. She said I could watch your dvd's if

I put them back and didn't tell you"

Chris - (burning a hole through the back of my skull with his look of disgust and anger)

 "UGH, WHATEVER"

Me - "I don't know if I should compliment you for being honest

with your brother or ground you for throwing me under the bus"

Jake - "That's just how I roll mom".



Jake, incognito after getting in trouble one Saturday morning. He was told to stay
 on the couch and not move until I decided what his punishment would be.

By his estimation, if he is in Camo jammies, sunglasses and a hat he can
"get off the couch and wander the house without being detected"

My boy is a GENIUS.



Laughing will only encourage him you know....

We are sitting in his weekly therapy appointment and Jake is asked to tell us a story.....he starts out with "one upon a time" and then continues to tell the tale of a "monster" that is sooooo angry he is shaking. His therapist looks at me and says "It sounds to me like he is referring to himself here".

I listen intently to his tale hoping to catch some small glimmer of what is going on inside his anxiety riddled mind when he says "then the monster goes home meets a really nice girl and has some really nice sex".  My first reaction was of course to turn my head away and stifle my laughter. My second was to make a mental note to myself...."no more listening to Bruno Mars songs in the car"

He is in 5th grade and in health class this period they are discussing puberty. Jake knows all of the proper terminology for his private parts. However, because I am so immature I will often refer to them using more adolescent names like "junk, giblets, doo-hickey, boy business, berries". He prefers the proper term of penis and testicles. Now, thanks to his health class he also refers to them as his "sex organs" EVERYWHERE WE GO.

The name of this BLOG is "am I being inappropriate" and the reason behind this name is that on any given day, at any given time if you are around my son, you will hear him ask this question. 

 80% of the time, he IS being inappropriate.  

There was the time in a restaurant when he turned to the African American family that was seated behind us and asked them if they were the people on "Everybody hates Chris". Then there was the time he complimented our waitress on her earrings and said "You sure are hot". How about the time in elementary school when he announced to his teacher, para and fellow students that his mommy and daddy ALWAYS have beer parties.

One of my favorite cringe worthy moments with him occurred when he was practicing for his First Holy Communion. His CCD teacher and the priest gave us a bag of unconsecrated hosts to practice with. Jake then says to our priest, "can you tell me why I want Jesus in my body anyway, I mean is there even enough room in there for both of us"? Following his First Confession when the priest raised up his hand to offer a blessing over him.....Jake high fived him. Something tells me that the priest did not see the humor in this that we did.....


Jacob, after he decided to buckle himself into a high chair....exclaimed "Mom, this chair is squishing my testes. Please help save them!"



. 



Does he eat anything other than Pancakes and French Fries?

 YES. He also eats White Bread.

Since the day he came out of my oven he has had feeding issues. After a bad start with nursing him we went the formula route. We tried no less than 5 different types and had to add rice cereal and zantac to his bottle before his digestive problems seemed to ease up. He could puke on you from across the room and I still have nightmares about his middle of the night diaper blowouts.

We had a reprieve when we started jarred baby food. He seemed to like everything he tried. This was until we advanced to the STAGE 3 version then all bets were off. At first we thought it was the texture and the consistency of the stage 3 jarred food but then it became clear to us that the problem was bigger than that.

He gave up his bottle at age 13 months with no issue. Oddly enough, he also decided at that age that he would never again be compliant with what I wanted him to eat, think, say, do etc.

Things were a little easier during the toddler years. He started to enjoy the Gerber Graduates options that were available -Meat Sticks (side note.... these things happen to smell like ass and look like tiny peckers), Chicken Ravioli, Mac and cheese with broccoli - this went on for a while and then one day, out of the blue he simply refused to eat them.

Over the years Jake has gone through many "food phases". Hot dogs (no condiments) and NOT on a bun, scrambled eggs, chicken nuggets, French Fries, Peach yogurt, Cheese off of  pizza (NEVER the actual pizza or crust) Sausage links, pancakes and of course, the constant....WHITE BREAD.

It is important to note that Jacob is also "PRODUCT SPECIFIC" and if you try and trick him YOU WILL FAIL. Trust me.....he is like YODA with this shit.

His bread MUST be Strohman KING (in an emergency he WILL eat Maiers Italian but he's gotta be really hungry), His pancakes are Aunt Jamima Mini's (and the off label brand stuck in the Aunt Jamima box will NOT be tolerated), he is flexible with his fries....but they cannot be coated or well done and the only beverage he will drink is Lemonade (Turkey Hill or Swiss ONLY). THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

Jake has only tried ice cream 3 times. He has NEVER eaten a potato chip and would rather be attacked by a pack of wolves than eat spaghetti and meatballs. As a dego mother you can imagine how much THAT stings. Knowing that my son has been on this earth for 11 1/2 years  and has NEVER dipped his white bread into my sauce on a Sunday breaks my heart.

Along with his "food phases" came the side effects of his diet. One summer  he was on a Green Gatorade (Lemon Lime) kick which he would only consume out of a small white Styrofoam cup. He actually had a stain over his top lip from the dye in the drink. He started kindergarten with a green moustache. Then, there was the Bob Evans Sausage Links period. He was a walking grease slick. Everything he touched was covered in sausage grease...the remote, his face, the table, THE DOGS.

As of today, Jacob's list of foods is down to a mere 3 things. WHITE BREAD, FRENCH FRIES and PANCAKES (dry, no butter or syrup) and the ONLY beverage he will drink is lemonade. Don't bother asking me about any other foods as the answer is NO. His most current issue is that he refuses to eat in front of people that do not live in our house. If you come to visit and it is around 7pm....watch out. he will grab your coat and hat and try to show you to the door so he can eat.

I wish I knew WHY he does these things.

His teeth are very strong and healthy, he takes a multi vitamin daily and while he is thin, he is in the 50th % for his age according to his Dr. I hope and pray that one day he moves past this.....otherwise regardless of how freaking charming he is NO chick will EVER want to go out to dinner with him. I mean he can't be a grown man and still eating MINI pancakes can he? Damn you Aunt Jamima!  

  

Mom, can we listen to Highway to HEL....can I say HELL?

We are a family that loves music. All 5 of us are motivated by it, soothed by it and entertained by it. Jason and I own a record store (shameless plug time..... http://www.thevinylcloset.com/) and our kids have a very eclectic musical appriciation.

Currently, the song Jacob wants to hear on heavy rotation is Highway to Hell by AC/DC. I partially blame  his fathers love of AC/DC as well as the movie School of Rock for this. However, if I am being honest, it is more so because the word HELL is repeated OVER AND OVER. He also likes the LMFAO travesty "I'm Sexy and I know it"...and you guessed it, it's NOT because of the beat.

See, Jake is 11 and has taken to pushing the limits of his vocabulary by

finding ways to use, as he calls it "foul language".

Yesterday when we were pressed for time and I informed him that we might not have a chance to go to McDonalds before we go to his brother Christopher's baseball game, Jake exclaimed (while in the dairy aisle of the grocery store mind you) "SHUT THE....(cut to - my head turning around to look at him with such force I am pretty sure I gave myself whiplash) FRONT DOOR"!

There were some teenagers in the aisle near us that found this to be HYSTERICAL....so of course, he repeated it once, twice, FIVE times!!! He loves to test the limits and he loves to test ME.

Regardless of where we are, if he sees the letters ASS in order written on ANYTHING,  be it the packaging of a line of body shapewear (ASSets) or the company that is down the street from us with the word ASSociation in it's title he cannot control his need to point out that it has foul language in it. It is all about getting a reaction from me. 

 I blame myself for this obsession.   

I have what some might call "a colorful way of speaking".  As I stated in a previous Blog, I may be a Mom but that does not mean I am mature. Much to he chagrin of my handsome husband my choice of words can often make an ice road trucker blush. So, I suppose it stands to reason that my son would acquire the same flair for the um....profane.

I TRY and curb myself - I really do. I mean there is nothing worse than when HE corrects me with his very monotone statement "Mom, you should not have said that, you say I'm sorry". I want to point out that I do not actually curse AT him (well not all the time anyway) those words usually slip out when I am doing something else like cooking, cleaning, watching TV or breathing.

I guess as long as he limits his choice of words to the times of the day when his meds are wearing off and he KNOWS that he should not use them than I am not really THAT bad of a mom. Right bitches?